The sad part is that when you do grow up, things are no longer as easy as one would have hoped. No longer are you told that you can do whatever you want as long as you put your mind to it. Nowadays you're told, you can do almost anything you want. But of course you can't do that without a college degree. As the days press closer to a new year, I also am being pressed to make decisions that I'm not 100% sure about. My train of thought is no longer, who do I want to be today? A doctor, writer, director, artist, sailor? No, not at all. It's much different now. It's crunch time, and I'm supposed to be focused on who I want to be for the rest of my life. Pick a career, go to college, work my fingers to the bone, retire, and then make room for the new kids.
There's a question that I often stumble upon when I think about these things. "What really matters?" Is it getting a job? Working hard? Making money? If there's one thing I've learned from all of those Disney movies I've watched as a kid, it's that money and power make no difference in whether you'll live a happy life. One day I want to be able to pass on stories to my grand kids about all of the adventures I had and the lessons I've learned. Not the raise I got after working for two years at a job that I hated. There are different opinions being thrown at me from a hundred directions. Right now, I need to figure out what I want to do. How I can live the life I dreamt of when I was a kid, while still honoring God. If it makes any sense, I don't want to disappoint the kid version of myself. The version of me who held onto her dreams no matter how ridiculous they were.
I promised myself I wouldn't grow up. And I'm not about to start now. So I'm going to do what I would've done thirteen years ago. I'm just going to be myself, Billie Jean.
