Running Away

    Almost four months have passed since my last post and I can say with confidence that I am glad I have not written a thing. I've composed several letters to my God in a notebook that I keep, but I've found nothing that I could share with you that would retain any sort of substantial worth. Nevertheless, God works in marvelous ways, as He always does, and opened up His Word to me fully and completely this morning.
     Upon recently listening to a sermon about forgiveness, taught out of the Book of Philemon, I made the decision to study the book for myself, verse by verse. For those who don't know, this letter was written by Paul while he was imprisoned, and it was addressed to a man by the name of Philemon. A former slave of Philemon, who went by the name of Onesimus, stole money and ran away from his master to Rome where he could disappear into the Imperial capital's non-descriptive slave population. He went on to meet the apostle Paul in Rome where he (Onesimus) later became a christian. In short, this letter was written lovingly by Paul to Philemon, telling him of how Onesimus had changed his wicked ways and asked him to take back Onesimus not as a slave, but more than that. Paul asked Philemon to take him back as a beloved brother that they might minister together, side by side. (Philemon 1:16)
     While I read this story I was consistently reminded of my relationship with myself and with God. I'm not fearful to admit that I have messed up, and that I continue to let down the people that I love on a daily basis. I've stolen things from people which cut deeper than merely taking physical possessions. I've robbed people of their joy, and abandoned them while they had resentment harboring in their hearts. Upon several other wretched acts, I've robbed people of seeing what a true and honest example of what a follower of Christ should look like. Instead, I've cloaked the world around me and used it to define who I was when things became difficult. Inadvertently I ran away from the One who sanctifies me daily so that I myself could attempt to deal with my own troubled spirit. Fortunately, my one true master who knows far better than I lives within me and never fails to call me back home to Him.
     Paul wrote this to Philemon on Onesimus' behalf, "If then you regard me a partner, accept him (Onesimus) as you would me. But if he has wronged you in any way or owes you anything, charge that to my account." (Philemon 1:17 &18)
     In this passage, Paul offered to pay whatever was necessary for Onesimus to be reconciled to Philemon once again. Paul was simply following the example of Christ and how He reconciled sinners to The Lord. To know that Christ has written on my behalf to The Lord so that I may be reconciled unto Him, The King of Kings, makes me desire to become more like Christ.
     One last point and then I'll finish. In the 15th verse of Philemon, Paul states, "For perhaps he (Onesimus) was for this reason separated from you (Philemon) for a while, that you would have him back forever."
     In this verse, Paul suggests that God providentially ordered the overturning of Onesimus' running away to produce eventual good. I always have and always will believe that everything happens for a greater purpose. God will place tests in our lives not to tempt us, (for God cannot tempt) but to strengthen the quality of our faith and demonstrate its validity. (James 1:2-12) When life seems difficult, or impossible to handle, it shouldn't drag us down with it. Instead, we need to see every hardship as a blessing, and reinforce our faith and strengthen our walk with The Lord. You can't do this by running away to a place where you can disappear into the blend of the world. We validate our faith in God by running to Him in our darkest hour; despite how bleak the circumstances may be, or how embarrassing it is to run to Him who knows all things. Oddly enough, there is nothing more satisfying than breaking in the arms of God and knowing that He will, piece by piece, put you back together even more complete than you were before.
   
As always, go serve your King!
Billie Jean
 

   

The Tapestry

Dear Reader,

          It's been some time since we last talked. Things have changed in ways that I haven't exactly shared with you just yet. You see, when we last spoke I was anticipating the big move into a brand new life. A life that was filled with expectations and deadlines looming over my perplexed mind. Well, the time has come now where I'm almost done with my second month of college, and things have changed so much so from the year before that it often feels as though I'm leading a completely different life.
          Since the big move, which will be one year ago in April, every aspect of my life has been flipped upside down. I went from living in the green hills of North Carolina, to the rocky red canyons and arid deserts of Arizona. But don't get me wrong, the west is in no way lacking beauty. With every desert sunset comes an aesthetic moment of chromatic bewilderment. Much like these grand displays of nature, these fleeting moments of a dream-like state have found their way into my every day life. It's the drive back home where the lights blur past my window, or sitting on the edge of a bridge that overlooks the lake that makes my time here on earth rich and worthwhile.
          Sure, things have changed for me, big things. I've lost a lot people in the past year, but I've also gained wisdom and life experience through those circumstances. I've learned how to free myself from the stress of every day life, and how to live life to it's fullest potential. Sometimes it's hard to believe that God has placed each person, each situation, and each discouragement in my life for a reason. This is because right now I can only see a thread in the tapestry that is the big picture. Meaning that where we are right now, in this point of time, is being woven into something bigger.
          I guess that what I'm trying to get across is that wherever you may be right now, whether it's at home alone, or in college surrounded by a bunch of hormonal teenagers trying to find themselves, you're there for a specific purpose that only you can fulfill. You can't change what's happening to you, but you can most definitely change how you react to it. Always remember that perspective is everything, and that no matter what, God will help you through whatever storm you may be facing. Sometimes it can be difficult, but just keep in mind that the future is no place to plan your better days. Make today count.

Sincerely Yours,
Billie Jean

To 2014

     It's difficult to look back on years that have passed and see the person that I used to be. Often times I will recall the warm summer nights that I would spend in North Carolina on my porch. I would sit there and watch silently as the electrical storms pierced the air with their subtle lightning beams. Much like the rapid fire of those nights, thoughts of my future would come and go as they wished, knowing no limits as to the direction in which they would follow. At that time I was certain of two things. The first was that I had absolutely no plans, and the second was that I wanted to be inexplicably happy.
     Fast forward a couple years into the future, and I'm no longer in North Carolina. Instead, I'm in the passenger seat of a U-haul truck traveling down the dusty roads of New Mexico. I'm happy that I didn't know what 2013 was going to hold for me. The thing about knowing the future is that you often question it when you need to let it be. What I love about not knowing the answers to specific situations at the time that they occur, is that you're forced to work through them. Although it may not be enjoyable during that point in time, it is the very journey, the act of losing yourself to solving the problem, that makes you all the richer. So yes, I'm happy that I only had a slight clue that my life was about to change.
     Moving to Arizona gave me the chance to reinvent myself and no longer have to dream about the type of person that I wanted to be, but actually be it. The repercussions to starting a new life in the west were slightly bitter at first, but as time progressed, so did my story. I began to meet people who showed me a view of the world that I had always envied. Through them I was taught to be intentional in my relationships with others and how to live my life one day at a time. Through various people I was encouraged to become closer to God, which I did. In this specific time, things really began to pick up. My reignited relationship with Christ lead me to landing a job that I loved, solidifying friendships that I had never imagined possible, and experiencing His abounding love through the wonders of His creation.
     It's funny how right when things seem to be going so well, God throws a wrench in your path. Although these things seemed to put a bad taste in my mouth, I ended up learning a lot about who I was through them. Today, on the second day of 2014, I look back on the adventures that I was lucky enough to experience, and the lessons that I was so mercifully taught. I realize now that they're only a couple of the many instances that made 2013 the best year of my life so far. So here's to the unknown, the moments that have not yet been made, and the friends that I still haven't met. Here's to the new year.